Absurd

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From this morning’s paper via Facebook:

Good Morning #Bermuda ! Its #Wednesday , #humpday November 20, 2013! Today is Absurdity Day! We spend so much time trying to comprehend things that by the end of the day our brains practically need a massage . Why not embrace absurdity for once? Wear a weird hat on your elbow, host a dinner party with food-shaped stress balls on everybodys plate instead of real food then give them plenty of chocolate as consolation afterward, walk a lobster around on the street. Read your book upside down on the bus home. Stop making sense!

Some things you might experience on this island are quite ridiculous, I don’t think they have to try hard to “embrace absurdity”.  I am not complaining, well not out loud anyhow, but here is my

Top Ten of Bermuda Absurd: 

  • 10. The car in front of you stops in the middle of the road, not pulling across to the kerb, not indicating, no warning – the passengers want to get out, so the car just stops. It doesn’t matter that there may be a queue of traffic behind, that it is a main road, or even if there was a police car following, it just stops. (This happened for the umpteenth time to us on the way into Hamilton this morning – the passengers were children being dropped off at a bus-stop, the driver gave an odd hand signal which we might have interpreted as “please pass me” but in fact meant “wait, my children will cross the road in front of me” – we waited!)
  • 9. A moped with golf clubs carried cross-wise, so overtaking it means an ending in the rough. For “golf clubs” read also broom, beach umbrella, boat paddles, open umbrella, and gardening tools
  • 8. A 2 inch cockroach from Riddell’s Bay lost out to an even larger one from Japan in the “Combat Quest for the World’s Largest Cockroach”.  He was found drowned in a pool, surrounded by empty liquor bottles – not sure whether that was before or after the contest. (Bermuda Shorts by T.C. Sobey)
  •  7. Camping out on Bermuda is only permitted for residents and then only between the first Saturday in May and the third Sunday in September.  The fees are upwards of $12 per night – advanced registration with The Department of Parks – and proper tents must be used.
  • 6. Bermuda buses will not take people with luggage, golf clubs, buggies, or wearing wet clothes. If it is raining and you are flying off-island for a golfing holiday … taxi!
  • 5. If you fly a foreign flag on Bermuda then you must also fly a British flag which must be larger, in better condition and be uppermost on the flagpole.
  • 4. Airlines serving Bermuda don’t fly to the Caribbean, even though it is only 900 miles away.
  • 3. A man arrested for being drunk on a horse was advised by the Magistrate to change his plea to not guilty because a horse is an animal, not a vehicle. He was allowed to walk free.
  • 2. It is an offence to swear or use indecent words over the telephone (Summary Offences Act 1926, revised 1989)
  • 1. Bermuda doesn’t use wind power or wave power and very little solar power – what do we have a lot of – yes, wind, waves and sun!
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